Some children are naturally more competitive than others – until it comes to siblings. It seems that in every family where there is more than one child there is some form of sibling rivalry. The competitive spirit can be good at times but at other times it can get out of control. It is important to take measures to help keep sibling rivalry at a healthy minimum. Here are some useful tips to stop the rivalry getting out of control.
1. Set aside time to spend with each sibling on a one-to-one basis. Make the special time about that one child. Let him choose the place that you go or the thing that you do. Make the one-on-one time something that does require talking (no movies for this). The idea is to create a bond with the child while giving him the chance to feel like the center of your world.
2. Remind each child that he or she is an individual and gifts and talents are unique to each of us. Focus on her talents and gifts and encourage her to follow those instead of the footsteps of older siblings (or even parents).
3. Spend non-competitive time as a family. Playing games and sports together is great, but there should be some relaxed time as well. Go hang out at the zoo or tour the botanical gardens. Just have some fun that doesn’t require competition (but watch them; siblings have a way of creating competition when you aren’t looking).
4. Avoid using statements that compare one sibling to another. Instead of making a comment like “when your brother was your age” or “if you would just work like your sister does”, you should focus on the positives of the sibling you are talking with. “You are doing so much better this year with your school work.” “You are working so much harder to get your chores done and I can tell a big difference.” Just keep siblings out of the comments altogether.
5. Take the time to support each child in activities and events on an equal basis. If one is more involved than another, then find other ways to support the one who has the least activities.
6. Keep an open dialogue with all siblings. You can better judge the temperature of the water and get a handle on any problems before they can get out of hand.
7. Set the rules BEFORE the children come along. Determine at what age children will be eligible for allowance, sleepovers, and other important events. Set a spending limit for birthdays and holidays (and raise it and allowances by set increments). Having rules in place that are followed for each child will help to reduce the whine of “well HE got to do it before now” or “SHE got more than I did.”
Sibling rivalry seems to be a natural element in any home with more than one child. Although it may not be possible to eliminate the competitive spirit between siblings, it may be possible to reduce the sibling rivalry (particularly when it comes to the relationship with parents).